Host Alters

This is the list of hosts we've had in our system.

Former Host #1

name: [redacted]
age: ~2 weeks
internal appearance: appearance aligned with body
pronouns: she/her
gender: n/a (born intersex)
orientation: n/a
species: human
part type: ANP
roles: core
grouping: n/a
introject status: n/a
source(s): n/a
misc. notes: This is the core of the system who was "severed" around two weeks of age. Because of this, we've been multiple as long as we've been alive.

name: [redacted]
age: ~2 weeks-17
internal appearance: appearance aligned with body
pronouns: she/her
gender: cis girl
orientation: bi
species: human
part type: MP
roles: host, trauma holder
grouping: n/a
introject status: n/a
source(s): n/a
misc. notes: This is the first official host we had. She lived through 17 years of our life, leading to amnesia and an uneven distribution of memories. She lived through the brunt of the worst traumas, and in April 2015, she couldn't take it anymore. After a failed attempt, she "shattered" internally, meaning she mass split into many fragments/shards/grains. Because of this, she is unable to come back beyond alters holding her memories.

name: [redacted]
age: 17-25+
internal appearance: appearance aligned with body
pronouns: they/any
gender: nonbinary/genderfluid
orientation: queer
species: human
part type: MP
roles: host, trauma holder
grouping: n/a
introject status: n/a
source(s): n/a
misc. notes: This is the second main host we had until around Sept-Dec 2023. Their role as a trauma holder was unique, as it was less holding traumas personally and more being a vicarious sponge for other alters' trauma memories until the memories became so overwhelming, a gatekeeper or two would have to take them away. They fused from some of the parts that split from FH #2. They were never a stable host, as they came to fruition smack-dab in the middle of severe trauma. Like the first one, they had to roll with the punches until they couldn't anymore. Their fusion into me was less internally traumatic than FH #2's end, but it still came as a result of a fifth failed attempt within a year.

name: JJ
age: 25+
internal appearance: apperance (mostly) aligns with the body
pronouns: they/he/xhe/ae
gender: transmasc/genderfluid/2S
orientation: queer
species: alterhuman (not 100% human or nonhuman)
part type: MP
roles: host, trauma holder
grouping: n/a
introject status: n/a
source(s): n/a
misc. notes: I am the current host as of late 2023. When FH #3 went through a soul-crushing interpersonal betrayal, several introjects (Josh from Drake & Josh, Diane from BoJack Horseman) and a brainmade alter split around that time. Josh held the calm I needed to cut people out of my life rather than explode; Diane held both the need to keep chugging on with my writing and the reconciled feelings about my mixed identity; and the brainmade alter held the desire for spiritual healing. I fused with Josh and Diane first to become who I am, and then I fused with the brainmade alter before 2024. This has also contributed in part to my transmasculinity, my relationship with my mixed ethnic identity, and my desire to pursue witchcraft.

name: Lauryl
age: same age as body; age progressor
internal appearance: long brown hair, brown eyes, glasses, pierced ears, paint on their face
pronouns: she/they
gender: demigirl
orientation: aroace
species: human
part type: MP
roles: emergency cohost, emotion neutralizer, trauma holder
grouping: n/a
introject status: n/a
source(s): n/a
misc. notes: Lauryl is a fusion of a brainmade alter from 2021 and a previous cohost from early 2023. The brainmade alter served as a mask during a difficult period in our life wherein we felt if we were just the "perfect daughter," "perfect friend," and "perfect girlfriend," the abuse we were dealing with would stop. The previous cohost served as a more cracked mask, but she ultimately held the same purpose, that we had to be a white-identifying, Christian-aligned, pericishet-presenting daughter, or else we would be abused for falling out of line. They fused as a result of a triggering incident wherein we needed someone calm to hold down the fort while I was catching my breath. She now serves as an "emergency" cohost, always ready to step in when things are too overwhelming. Her gender and orientation are defense mechanisms of sort in case we're presesnted with a need to stay in the closet or lean into an aspect of our identity to cope with trauma. While she mainly neutralizes bad emotions to stay rational, she holds the traumas the previous versions of herself held nonetheless.